oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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