I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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