Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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