I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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