why didn't you poke me back
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
