T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
