well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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