I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
