And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
