You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
