The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize