You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
