Bisexual people are plain selfish.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
