capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
