mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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