Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i would one night stand the shit outta him
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
