I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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