Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
