when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
50% drunk capacity currently
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
