But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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