Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich