I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.