I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Is it because I queefed?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake