just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
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I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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