Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst