Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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