Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
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