you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
