Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
