She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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