i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
