saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
