Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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