Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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