four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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