I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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