I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
