Your tits are I can't wait for
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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