I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
