Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
