Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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