just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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