I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
