apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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