I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
