yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
