you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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