here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
