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Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she looked like the before picture.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
