I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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