just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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