dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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