I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
