Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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