just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
