Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Im part way to drunk.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
