the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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