no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
