I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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