If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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