if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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