Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
