there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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