I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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