Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
