New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
