But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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