Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
