maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
