Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
