I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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