I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
