I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
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I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
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if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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