You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
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