Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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