I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
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Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
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I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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