yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
