Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
