i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
